Cold Bones

We survived the 7 hour flight to overcast, beautifully green Washington.

My bones are cold.

This week has flown by. 

Raquel LOVES playing with her Grandpa.

Grandpa loves to escape into her world.

Mom and I have small talk. She aches. I ache for her. Her body is slowly breaking down. It feels like torture. At times she is full of life. Taking on the daily to dos. Others she breaks down and her body fights for each breath.  I have a love hate relationship with Chemo. I hope it buys her a few more weeks she is looking for. I hope she finds her peace. I hope we all do. 

I hope.

Dads heart is wearing down. In many ways. His abnormally small arteries are starting to weaken.The doctor has referred him to a cardiologist. But for now they can do little. He will have to deal with shortness of breath and less oxygen. Exercise can help a little.

I wonder at times why my parents have such hard trails. They have been trying to stay afloat for so long. They have been putting up the good fight.

The end of life brings so many emotions. Pain, numbness... I am waiting for the joy,peace and strengthen testimony. I know it is there. That it can be part of something that can be so ugly and painful. Audrey showed me beauty in death. I hope that I can see it again.
I miss her. I miss what she was supposed to bring to our family.

I hope I can find the strength to be there for my parents. I hope I can do what the Lord needs me to do. I hope I can have the words to comfort.