Triggers

So I have notices these "triggers" that kinda cause me anxiety. And they are all so odd. Things I would never think that would cause my heart to ache and my mind to race. For example medical bills. Every time we receive one in the mail (which is frequent) I become anxious and sad. It is hard to keep "up" the rest of the day. Another is writing thank yous. I have so many to write. And I want to write them.  I really do! But for some reason putting pen to paper is really hard. I hate to think the kindness of others is going unacknowledged by me in a thank you card. But again my mind goes to Audrey and I get a little sad. This one I think you can expect it to be a trigger. Going to visit Audrey's grave. This can take me out for a week. But holding babies, talking about birth or being a mother does not bother me. It is funny how a mind works. Its okay to be sad and still have peace. I really do. I know this is the plan of our Lord. I am not angry. This is part of nature and grieving the loss of a child. You can have peace when life is a mess. I acknowledge the Lord in that. I even envy Moms who are anticipating there daughters or sons to come into the world with challenges. That may only stay for awhile. I wish I knew before hand my time with Audrey was short. I wish I could of prepared myself to know what I wanted to do for her when she came. I am soo grateful for the family that guided us threw it. Without them I would of not had photos and nice clothing for her. It is what it is. Come what may and love it. I did my best in the time of it all. So if you are reading this and I owe you a thank you sorry it has taken me so long to get it in the mail! Thank you for you thoughtfulness in gifts and letters of support. I will get it to you. It may take a year. But please know that I appreciate it! 

Today's theme: Come what may and love it!