I am frustrated that I can not swim with Raquel because I just had a baby. Yet I do not have a baby in my arms. I am frustrated that my milk is still pouring in. Yet I have no baby to show for it. I am frustrated that I have a gut but I have no baby to show for it. I am frustrated that I am in between clothes sizes. I am frustrated beacuse I want the world to know I have two girls but I have only one to show them. I am frustrated that my plans have all changed. I am frustrated that I did not embrace being pregant more. I am just plain frustrated!
But I am grateful for Raquel. I am grateful for future children whatever way the come. I am grateful for this gut because I did carry a perfect little girl. I am grateful for the few hours I held her in my arms. I am grateful that I do have clothes to wear. I am grateful for the many lessons I have learned and will learn about myself and about the love of God. I am grateful for being on the recieving end of service. I will sereve more in the future. I am grateful for our friends and family. I have learned how deep our love and support goes. I am grateful for daily struggles. I may not susceed everyday but I do wake and face the challange. I will endure this. We will endure this. Time will heal this crazy emotional roller coaster. I will seek out the moments of kindness and love. I will rejoice in this time of pain. Because we have reason to. We will reunite with Audrey. And we will see one day how this trial has blessed us as a family, as spouses and as servants of God. I know there is a higher power who craddles me in sorrow and lifts me in strength. I am grateful that I am healthy and happy today.
I am more grateful than frustrated and yes I am grateful for that!